To life, to life, L'Chaim!

My sister Katie invented a person. That's what it feels like. There is a person where there wasn't one before. Born June 29, Savannah Jeanne Gross has finally made an appearance. Perhaps her late arrival is indicative of her shyness, which is something she would have inherited from her mother. (Or maybe she's just destined for a life of always running late which she would have inherited from her grandmother and Auntie Lola.) No matter, because she's here. A new little niece of mine is crying and eating and looking around at a hospital in Memphis, TN and I want to meet her!

Katie went in for a C-section on Monday night. She had been waiting, waiting, waiting for Savvy J to come on her own time but an ultrasound indicating that she might be as much as 9 1/2 lbs., and thus potentially unable to make it through Katie's tiny pelvis, made the C-section the only feasible option at the time.

"I'm having the Michelin baby!" Katie said to me with a hesitant laugh.

Customary as it is for my family members to crack jokes during serious moments(i.e., undergoing invasive surgery as a last-minute decision), I could tell Katie was more worried than she was letting on. Still, a decision had to be made in order to ensure the safety of her child and she made it. Her first maternal decision a good one, it seems, as a healthy (8lb 2oz) baby came out of it.

That is such a vulnerable time for a mother. She, of course, wants to do whatever needs doing, but this sometimes opposes plans or instinct. Katie was going to try to deliver without the assistance of drugs and instead ended up with a high level of intervention. I'm certainly not judging her and am so proud (and in awe) of Katie for being so decisive, but am also just pointing out how sometimes a mother's life of vulnerability and difficult choices, begins at birth.

Gary, her fiancee, drove her to the hospital while Katie and I talked on the phone. She said she didn't have the time she would have liked for meditation beforehand, so I tried to give her the calmest of pep talks: "You're going to get through this. You're going to meet your daughter on the other side of this. You've already done such a good job growing such a healthy-sized baby inside of you. You are already such a good mother. Now she's coming to meet you, this daughter of yours. And a relationship and love that you can't even imagine is going to start today and last for the rest of your life. Today Savvy J. is coming to meet her mommy."

And then she had to go. It is hard to have my sister so far away, especially in these moments. I had hoped to make it out there for the delivery or at least the days following it, but Savvy's tardiness threw off all plans. Fortunately, my sister Becky had planned a trip down there this weekend and will be there to make lasagnas and do whatever else Katie might need doing. Still, it's hard to think of my sister in a hospital without the crowd that showed up for Molly and later my nephew Ben's birth at Newport Hospital.

At 7:30 that night, Gary sent a text message to the family with the picture above and a note saying, "Momma and baby are perfect and snuggling right now."

Hundreds of miles away from them, on my couch watching Jeopardy, I cried for the arrival of this little person whom I know will be another beloved character in this life's play. I called my mom and she had been crying. Cherie cried too.

"Who will she be?" Dan and I wondered about our new cast mate and family member. "Will she be the serious one?" (A contrast to my wacky niece who makes up and belts songs at whim, and Ben who, at not quite three-years old says, "I'm gonna squeeze your face off, Mister," when coming in for a tight hug.)

Will she be sweet like Katie and hang with the lizards on family vacations if everyone else has paired off? Will Savvy be an empath like her mom, unable at times, to release the world's suffering even when it would serve her to do so? Or will she be affable and charming like Gary? Will Katie wonder how she raised a child so comfortable in her skin? And most importantly, will she have a southern accent?

Tara and Becky spent their first years of life in Alabama (where Bec was born) when my mom and dad were stationed there in their army days and the joke was "as soon as they start saying 'y'all,' it's time to go." The fact is that we don't know if she'll ever move back this way. Gary, a FedEx pilot, has to keep the security that FedEx (based in Memphis) offers, especially since secure jobs in the airline industry are hard to come by these days. I used to resent him a bit for taking Katie away from us. NH is one thing; Tennessee is another. But look at all they've given each other. Look at that baby.

She'll be getting out of the hospital today (apparently you get three days for C-section versus two for natural delivery) and I'm grateful Bec will be there to greet her. Breastfeeding has been difficult, as it is for so many new moms (though, of course, you don't hear that much about it because women don't always talk enough about the hard stuff---but that's another entry). She worried that Savannah wasn't getting enough to eat but the nurses assured her that Savvy wouldn't be sleeping so peacefully if she was starving. I asked Katie how she was doing, in terms of recovering from the surgery and she said although it's uncomfortable (understatement of the year, from what I've heard) her focus is on getting Savannah eating.

Maybe this is one of motherhood's earliest themes showing up right at the start--- I'm sure this will not be the last time her own pain will be back burnered for the care of her daughter.

An entirely new part of Katie has emerged and will become her more and more as the years pass. (Which is not to say I will lose my sometimes flaky---but brilliant--- sister, who is known for burning bagels and once put a carton of ice cream away in the cabinet.) But she will be solid in motherhood. She will love deeply and wholly and will guard her cub the rest of her days.

Amazing, really. I thought I knew Katie so well and I do. But I haven't met her as mother yet. When Savannah was born, a mother was born and I am eager to see who she becomes as well.

This baby...



had this baby.