Do you see what I see?
A tail as big as a kite?At the risk of sounding friggin' wicked uncultured (which I am totally comfortable being but not sounding), I have to admit that during my niece's production of The Nutcracker tonight, I was, um, distracted (or utterly, utterly focused). I only wish life's secrets would reveal themselves to me as clearly as white tights do a male dancer's. Though I may sustain an air of maturity while at the ballet, quietly commenting to my theater neighbor about the lines of these athletes' toned physiques and the impeccable displays of artistry and technique, in my head I'm screaming, "Weiner! Weiner! I can see their weiners!"
Not a whole lot of adult conversation today in the Mellederer home in general.
Earlier today:
Dan: You know what I love about this gym? They provide towels.
Me: Eww. Why would you want to use a towel that has someone else’s sweaty ass crack on it?
Dan: They launder them!
Me: It still has ass crack on it.
Dan: This is where you and I differ on how we see the world.
Me: Why would you want to use one of those towels when we have a closet full of clean towels here?
Dan: Why would I want to lug around a sweaty towel and then bring it home and wash it when I could just use one of theirs and throw it in the bin?
Me: Because you know our towels have only touched our ass cracks.
Dan: They’re not ass crack towels, they’re sweaty head towels.
Me: People use ‘em on their ass cracks, I’m sure of it.
Even if there aren't any trace amounts of ass crack to be found, another person's sweat-drenched towel can only get so clean, that's all I'm saying. (Indeed, probably not quite the high-brow dialogue Tchaikovsky was used to.) While I am tempted to make the obvious "Worse still, what if someone's drying off their nutcracker?" joke as a witty closing to this entry, it seems cheap and amateur. Although we've established that I'm uncultured, I'd hate to be unoriginal.
Instead, I will say: Weiner! Weiner! What if they dry their weiners!
4 comments:
Are these photos you took? And if so can Molly can me some tickets?
NO! These are google pictures. Oh my gawd, I'm not that pervy.
Lo- I thought the same thing when watching these guys in the said "Nutcracker"..... I wondered what the HELL they put in those white pants to make it look soooo damn BIG!!! Ummm can you say pervs: Dirty Chirl and Lusty Lola!!! Great minds think alike sissle.
Dirty Cherl, you taught me all I know. If I'm being honest, I was looking at their butts, too. Matt really thought I was ogling 16-year-old boys and I had to explain that there were real men in the show. I may have to post something clearing this up...
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