A hole different type of writing

Dan, please find this place and bring me there on a vacation.

So today I was perusing jobs on a few of those freelance writing gig websites (you know, rather than engaging in actual writing) when I saw a listing for an alternative health magazine seeking writers who have "positive experience and knowledge of the colon..."

While my first thought was, "I've had plenty of positive experiences with my colon," I soon realized they meant writing experience (though I'm sure this potential employer wouldn't frown on my enthusiasm).

The ad then went on to say:

Wanting articles to touch on colon health and/or the following: (And, yes, I did have to reread that to be sure that the job did not require writers to touch a colon.)

1. Mechanics of the colon
2. Vitamin absorption of the colon
3. Oral approach to cleansing the colon
4. Colonic approach to cleansing the colon
5. The relationship between the liver and the colon
6. The relationship between other organs and the colon
7. Articles covering chronic diseases and the colon
8. Diverticulitis, Chrohn's Disease, Colitis and other colon diseases
9. Emotional aspects of the colon
10. The colon and spirituality
11. Enzymes and the colon
12. Other Colon Health related articles

First question, an oral approach to cleansing the colon?

And two, an oral approach?

If you are dedicated, reliable and enthusiastic this is an opportunity for you.

Told you they'd appreciate my enthusiasm.

The fact is, I am perfect for this gig as I have both a knowledge of and an interest in the colon. (And you can file that under sentences I never thought I'd write.) Both my mother's parents as well as a maternal aunt have all had colon cancer. (Also, my paternal grandfather had lung cancer as does my mom of course, so my DNA is a bit of a cesspool.) With such a genetic predisposition I felt the need to school myself on the matter, particularly in regard to colon cancer (as I just know this is the one that's coming for me as payback for the cheese and Pop-Tart diet of my early twenties). Plus, I am eager to learn more and the job requires that I interview doctors and other health practitioners for the work. Given my natural curiosity for the relationship between nutrition and physical and mental health, this could be a fantastic opportunity to learn more about the stuff I'm already pursuing recreationally. (I'm particularly curious about the "the colon and spirituality." As it is, I'd say it's with something like religious fervor that I preach on the divinity of flax seeds.)

While I didn't realize it until right this moment, I have something like a passion for colon health. Perhaps this is because I believe the affliction of colon unhealth is much more prevalent than it is spoken about and for whatever reason I feel like I'm duty-bound (oh, god, no pun intended) in this life to talk about things that other people don't necessarily want to. For better or for worse---and it generally leans towards worse---I feel like my honor is tied to uncomfortable honesty. (Really, Lola, you're bringing honor into a conversation about colons? What's next, you gonna start ranting about how the feminist movement will not prevail until women are able to go in public places? The fucked up thing is that I could totally make that argument and think I may have come up with my article pitch.)

The bottom line is that this job fits me like a (rubber) glove but I am hesitant to throw my hat in the ring. Maybe I'm trigger shy, maybe it's plain old fear or maybe it's just timing. All I know is that this last sentence could pertain to this writing job or the list of reasons I've given for avoiding going to the bathroom and I don't think that's a coincidence.