Today is Dan's birthday!

Missing from photo: Fun Williams-Sonoma watermelon-cutting knife (thanks for the idea Sassy Snell!) that I let him open in bed because I knew (per his trash OCD) that he would want to cut the watermelon up (not sexual innuendo) before the trash went out this morning.

My man is 42 today. 42. An age I distinctly remember my mom being which means, by this twenty-something's standards (holding on to this last year of twentydom with all my life), he's practically a white-beard though he looks like he's about 25. (You'll be laughing at the baldies later, all you baby-faced boys!) I don't mind being married to the geriatric though, we just stay away from the Normandy stories and I just have to help him get that second leg up on the bed every night. I kid, obviously, though I've been giving him a little extra shit lately as he's been likening my infatuation with Zac Efron (that boy is a man!) to borderline pedophilia. Efron is 22! You might want to remember, bud, that when I was a young lass of 22, you were 35...pervert. Anyway, my man suffers this fool gladly and I am looking forward to celebrating his being on the planet. He took the day off from work (today and tomorrow actually as tomorrow is our anniversary) and we're planning to tool around Portsmouth, catch a movie (or three) at the theater and just play hooky on life.

He's at an early-morning appointment right now so he'll walk in the door to the stack of presents pictured above. The idea of this was much more fun when he hadn't yet looked in the closet that he never goes in and seen the stack. Last night before falling asleep he decided to get up from bed to get an extension cord for the bed and came back with a power strip and shit-eating grin. Twenty minutes left in the friggin' day and the surprise was blown. Mofo.

At least the cake will still be (somewhat) of a surprise.

This is the recipe I used.

Jeanne's Heath Bar Cake (Jeanne, known as Jeannie Weanie, is Rosie O'Donnell's best friend since childhood and a regular on her radio program. I almost wept when I heard her talking about this. I'm hoping this cake will get me out of giving him that BJ (not, unfortunately, blueberry jam) that I always feel I owe him on his birthday.)

1 Chocolate cake mix
1 can (14 oz.) sweetened condensed milk
1 small jar butterscotch topping
12 oz. whipped topping (i.e., Cool Whip, though I made homemade whip cream...call me Martha.)
4-5 Heath or Skor bars, chopped

Prepare cake according to directions on the package and bake in a 9 x 13 pan.

While still hot, use a wooden spoon handle to poke holes in the top of the cake. Pour condensed milk evenly over the top, then pour butterscotch topping evenly over that. Sprinkle half of chopped Heath bars over the top. Refrigerate at least 3 hours.

Spread whipped topping over cake, then sprinkle with remaining Heath pieces.

You're crying, aren't you? Well, grab the tissues because I'm giving you a walk-through of the cake-making (at least the latter half) process.



This is the cake after refrigerating it overnight. I was salivating at this point.



Stiff peaks?



Readying for the last touch.



Voila.



What Dan will walk into if I'm out of the shower (and get this blog up!) in time. The grocery store was out of twos (do you love it?!) so I had to improvise.



I'll keep you posted on the tasting...of the cake, not the blueberry jam...oh my.

Happy birthday, bud!

Love, your ever-inappropriate wife.