"Feelin'" far from this last night, I happened to pause the TV while Jeopardy was displaying this category heading. (I was only made grumpier by the fact that I was off my game and didn't fare well in my at-home competition. To make matters worse, it was College Jeopardy and I'm supposed to be smarter than those kids. Fuckers.)I'm not trying to be overly negative, but on a scale of one to 10, I'd have to give this week a negative 70. (The "Potent Potable" in the foreground---and the fuzziness of the screen---is representative of how I dealt with said badness.)
You know how sometimes things seem so shitty that the only words of solace you can tell yourself is that "some day you'll laugh about this"? Well, that's a stupid expression. (Though it should be said, I've already been able to laugh---quite a bit and inappropriately, in fact---about some of it already.)
Sorry to be so cryptic but I couldn't very well write that I've been singing around my apartment with a halo of whistling birds fluttering around me when really I would shoot a bluebird (or any other whistling creature or person) and mount it on my wall right about now.
Fun, aren't I? I'll end here so as to limit by cyber-tantrum, but I just didn't want to give y'all the silent treatment.
P.S. See how that glass above has an "L" on it? We got a dozen of these lovely glasses as a wedding gift. Because I didn't take Dan's last name---and clearly didn't quite grasp the magnitude of people's perception of our merging lives (or, for that matter, the magnitude of marriage in general)---it didn't occur to me that "L" was for "Lederer"; Dan's last name. When I opened the box, I said aloud, "I wonder why they didn't put a "D" on any of them?" These words have haunted me---in the form of Dan's mockery---ever since.
Fucker.
4 comments:
I don't think you should feel at all weird about wondering why there were no D's. It is the 21st century after all and keeping your own name is pretty damn common. Hope things turn around soon... Always there for a vent, if you need it.
Well, thanks! I'll tell Dan that. He's always looking for reasons to crack. I feel the same way about the last name thing...I don't mind so much that people assume it, but I don't care much for being called "Mrs. Dan Lederer." Yeah, that bugs me.
Even though I took the last name, I don't want the Mrs. Robert H-Dawg thing either. Too junior league for my tastes. It should bug you. You can love someone without having to become a subordinate extension, in title. And I still get odd reactions from students every year, including this one, about using "Ms." More students understand, but too many still responds, "But I thought you were married," or "Don't you like your husband?" Men don't change anything about their names in marriage unless they hyphenate.. Even then, they are always, "Mr." But a woman's title has to declare marital status. Ridiculous, especially in the workplace. And I'm kicking myself about my talk2mrsh instead of talk2msh. And then that gets the feminazi assumption, rather than an issue of simple fairness and practicality. Why should you have to know my marital status before you can address me, especially at my job?
I hear ya! Why should marital status be part of one's identity? You have to read Liz Gilbert's Committed. So interesting, all her research on this topic. Where marriage came from...how originally it was frowned upon in Christianity, etc. It's much more fact-based that EPL but so interesting. She also talks about "wife-less" marriages, etc. Neat stuff.
I hate the word "feminazi" too. A woman can't feel strongly about anything without it being interpreted as too much. It's so dismissive.
I was on the fence with the last name thing for a bit 'cuz I thought---heck, just do it, it's one less decision to make. But then it felt so wrong. When Dan ever said he was "proud" of my keeping my last name, I knew it was the right call. We've talked about hyphenating some day but really I would rather start a whole new family line by changing our last names to Mellederer. It'd be a good story for the kids...
I can't believe students say that shit; shows me that things are changing more slowly than I sometimes think.
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