This stash of treats was hidden high above our kitchen cabinets where I can neither see nor reach.I would bet giant bags of money that I am going to get my period in less than 48 hours.
Exhibit A: I've cried approximately 74 times in the last three hours.
Exhibit B: Three of the four snacks featured above are no longer with us.
Only the Milk Duds survived. The Hostess Cupcakes, Reese's Peanut Butter Egg and even the chocolate bunny (which served as transportation for great gobs of jarred peanut butter) never had a chance.
In times of stress, or when the hormones they are a changin', my manic inhalation of sweets is like a how-to bulimia video minus the vomiting. Once I get that first taste of sugar on my tongue, I can't be stopped. I keep going until my stash is gone and then I start freebasing the cocoa. (We actually call it a "Stage Five Peanut Butter and Fluff" because usually the only sweets in our house are the aforementioned ingredients which only interest me in my absolute weakest moments...have I told you this before? Anyway, it's the equivalent of an alcoholic downing the Scope.) Dan shakes his head on these days. For him, it's like watching his rehabilitated alcoholic friend go on a bender. He knows that rock bottom is on its way. He knows that I'll have to start my twelve steps all over again. ("Molly, I'm sorry I stole all your Halloween candy and also that I made you stand guard while I searched your friend's backpack for Fruit Roll-Ups.) He knows that the self-loathing that follows such binges can be completely debilitating.
It's really the undoing of all my positive reforms. One day I'm touting the benefits of whey protein and the next I'm eating the cupcake crumbs that have fallen into my cleavage. Not pretty.
I guarantee that there is some sort of psychological component to this in that I'm binging on all the foods I've specifically forbidden my mom to eat. I know it wouldn't serve her health to eat them---and her health is of the utmost importance right now---but I can poison myself with hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup?
At this very moment my fridge is stocked with a big salad, freshly cut red peppers and hummus, homemade yogurt, strawberries, blueberries...and what did I just make myself?
You know it. Stage Five!
It ends here. I'm going for a walk. I'm rocking some stylin' windpant right now and I'm leaving the bar!
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and one of those maternity belly bands that pregnant women wear so they don't have to button their pants.
I'm totally craving a Fruit Roll-Up right now.
6 comments:
Did you really just eat a Fluffernutter? Oh dear....
ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL! I'm not big on the "LOL" but I really was LOL-ing about the crumbs down your shirt...you are so funny Lola. Thanks for the 4pm laugh..
Btw, fruit roll-ups ARE good.
Love, Beth xoxo
Losey, Losey, Losey...I know how this binge goes...and it never feels good after, but how delightful going down! It's like "we are holding on too tight!"
love it...!
Milk duds and pink lemonade!!! Am I alone on this?
Sounds like last week for me...we all have those days, don't beat yourself up about it. I know many times I have called my husband on his way home from work and requested he pick up something "chocolaty", a request he hates the most because of its vagueness, but not even I know exactly what I am looking for. It will pass! I've also learned to embrace those crying jags, I find them cleansing. I haven't had fluff in years (oddly my kids don't care for it even though one of them could live on marshmallows!) but right now I could go for one of those stage five sandwiches! Feel better! And refuse to feel guilty when those Milk Duds call your name!
Oddly enough, or appropriately enough my word verification today is CHEAT!
Danny---You know I went there...new week starts today. Help me to be strong!
Beth---Um, Fruit Roll-Ups are fantastic. Not having kids, they rarely cross my path these days and it's quite sad. And the crumbs down the shirt---it's funny because it's true and you know it. I was eating while in the reclined position and that's when down-the-chest dining occurs. Glad you got a laugh!
Benny---It was absolutely a rebellious binge. The rules needed to be broken. Starting fresh today. Lord give me the strength.
Mattie---I could swim in a pool of milk duds. Pink lemondade, not so much. Unless I'm outside and it's summer and there's alcohol in it. Root Beer and pepperoni pizza though...yes, please.
Margaret---Thanks for the support! So far I've resisted the call of the milk duds but I think that's just because I'm saving them for a trip to the movies. I absolutely understand the "something chocolatey" craving without knowing exactly what you want. Sometimes I look at Dan and just say, "Is there anything sweet in this house?" 'cuz he keeps secret stashes.
I have to say, the PB & Fluff is a great cheat because you're getting the bread too so you're satisfying a couple of different cravings.
And the crying has ceased (I think). My 48-hour prediction was correct...
Thanks for feeling me, sista!
Post a Comment