Bro-in-law Pete; that's just how he points to stuff.A typical day in the cyber-life of my family
From: Dan
To: My sisters (T, B, K, and C) and Cherie’s husband, Pete
Hello Fat Asses,
Another year is here and it is time to once again start sweating to the oldies. That’s right – it’s time for Biggest Loser 2010!
So, let us know if you are in or out. We would have it start on Sunday, January 10th through Friday, February 12th. We figured we’d give everyone a week to get into the right mental place.
Cost will be $20. Winner takes all. Winner will be the person with the most number of workouts. Because we are divided here in the Mellederer homestead, we need to put what constitutes a workout to a vote. Should a workout be 45 minutes with a maximum of two per day or 30 minutes with a maximum of 3 per day? Even if you are not participating, your opinion on this will be counted.
For now, just let us know if you want to play. Bathing suit season is only a few months away.
Looking forward to your sweat.
-Dan
BL Champ, 2008, 2009
From: Katie (the diplomatic middle child)
I think 30 minute sessions should count since one can still get a workout in but may not feel as overwhelmed if they cannot find time with the 45 minute session. Also I forget, does yoga count or not? Just wonderin'...
From: Pete
Can I do 7 minute abs 4 times or do I have to add on the last 2 minutes?
From: Becky
I concur with Katie that 30 minute sessions should count (vs. 45) and they have to be 30 consecutive minutes, Pete...sorry!
Yoga definitely does count. That shit is hard...when you have no muscles in your legs like my current state...those positions are impossible to hold.
From: Tara
The way you signed your post---Dan: BL Champ--- makes me freakin ready to smoke you...I have Mitch Gaylord's medicine ball and DVDs and am ready!! 30 minutes is better than jack..so that is my vote.
From: Cherie
Well, seeing as though my downward spiral tonight consisted of: a stuffed quahog, followed by a wedge salad (lots of bacon), French onion soup (extra cheese) and just finished off with peanut butter cup ice cream------>>> I'M IN!!!!! I gotta get this shit in check or none of my turtlenecks are gonna fit me!!!!!! HELP!!! 30 min is good for me seeing as it is less overwhelming than a whopping 45!!!
*Please note that I also had Bananas Foster today for lunch!! Is there a help group for this type of fattery????!!!!
From: Lola
Katjak--you in? (Dan thinks Savvy should be in on it, too...kidding, keep those thighs growing!)
Cherie---I won't be able to go to the bathroom as a result of just reading your note...
In it to win it...
From: Katie (also the sibling who is the mother of a six-month-old baby)
I would sooo love to join in this Biggest Loser madness. There was actually a point there today that I thought I could pull it off and then here I am at the end of the day, just put Savannah down for bed, and I am tired as all hell sitting in a house full of unpacked bags and a sink filled with dishes. You couldn't pay me $500 right now to work out. I do go for power walks almost daily with Savannah in the Ergo, but on days like today, where the highs are in the 20's (yes, Memphis gets that cold in the winter, fucking frigid-ass wasteland), we can only stay out for so long before her little chunky cheeks turn cold and red and I feel like I am pulling a Britney with frostbite...
With that being said, have at it guys and good luck!! Please include me in on the banter as each and every one of you make me piss my pants!
Love ya and Happy BL 2010!
From: Pete
I'm in. Even though I'll just end up giving the cash to Dan for Nordic Trac parts. Yes Dan let's start the tenth. That will give me some time to get back under the horse. Katie I'm hating winter wasteland too. It snowed all weekend and I barely left the house. SAD is kicking my ass.
From: Tara
Phatfux: Charlene's turtleneck story, love it! SAD is real..and so is Katie's disclaimer. Sledding will be a workout and facebook may be skipped...
From: Lola
Katjak---Just remember to take some you time for a bath or The Real World from time to time...
T&P--- SAD is my mortal enemy. I'm planning on investing in one of those therapeutic light boxes---will let you know the outcome.
T---Sledding, I love it!
Jan. 10---Secretary DL will send an announcement.
From: Dan
Workout is 30 Minutes - Maximum three per day
Contest Begins January 10th and ends on February 12th
Cost is $20 per person - winner takes all. In the event of a tie - pot is split
IN:
Dan
Lola
Tara
Becky
Cherie
Pete
Out:
Katie
Jeff? (Bec's husband)
Savannah
Report on Facebook
From: Pete
I'd like to report stage 4 chub rub.
From: Becky
I'd like to report that my pants are too short for my heels today because my thighs are so big that my pants are riding up on said thighs!! Wtf...day 4 of perfect eating...here i come!
From: Becky
I did it! For the first time in months...I did an hour long yoga tape. If we are all in agreement that yoga counts, then I get two checks! The cutest part was that Molly did the whole thing with me. I had a yoga mat for her and she took her part seriously...although, she was falling during warrior and triangle pose (is that the name??) and trying to grab me for support. Punk! Anyway, we did it and there is more where that came from, I'm happy to report. I'm so in it to win it!
From: Pete
I played pond hockey for two checks. And also to score goals on little kids and rub it in their face.
From: Lola
I got one check this morning (though I did 32 minutes so my official report is one check and six percent of a second one).
Also, I’m putting some of this banter on the blog. Anyone object? (If you do, I foresee big problems for my writing career.) I wonder if this will ruin the natural flow or up everyone’s game. I just wanted to share the pleasure that these e-mails give me but I don’t want to give you stage fright. I feel like I understand the dilemma of reality stars now...I don’t want this to change you. (You know I have millions of readers so don’t be surprised if you start getting recognized...)
P.S. I’ll remove any questionable material (swearing is obviously fine and encouraged) and will correct as many spelling issues as I can.
6 comments:
This is so much vicarious fun! I need to get my ass back to Zumba and had big plans for Friday afternoon's class. Then this morning while I was pulling on my boots while standing up, I did something painful to my lower back. Subsequently, while trying to get the rest of myself out of the door, I forgot to do the finish work on my hair and it went all flat, I chose a scarf that I SWEAR matched in the shitty winter light in the bedroom but CLEARLY did not in the light of day - blues were totally off, forgot earrings, and got moisturizer in my eye and it got redder as the day went on (at least the red made my eyes look bluer and detracted from the color disaster to the south). I either have PMS or am developing homicidal tendencies. Needless to say, I was a freakin' delight to all I encountered. And did I mention I had a parent conference after school? Hopefully, the back will heal quickly and I can Zumba some of this away. Keep the banter going - you guys are a hoot!
There may be other family members who would like (need) to be included as well.
These family needs a reality show and I plan on making a lot of money off of all your fat to skinny ases.
VH---This cracked me up! I love the image of you with your two different blues. And next time you get moisturizer in the eye, you get to take a personal day. That whole day is the kind you have to give up on early---to bed at 6pm.
I hope your back is feeling better. I'm trying to get the stones to do a Zumba class---sounds so fun. Glad you got a laugh from this---I wasn't sure if this was just one of those "funny to me" things.
Definitely anonymous---You want to play? You can join in if you want.
Mattie---You can definitely be an extra in "Mellow-Drama!"
Thanks for the laughs, starting right from Pete's gun show picture which cracked me up, I agree, you guys need your own reality show!
Pete would be the star! That guy cracks me up!
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