This really happened---a (half) family Santa shot in the middle of the day at the bleakest of malls---and it was glorious. Not pictured: Shiloh, Pax, Vivienne, Maddox, Knox and Zahara. (Also, Cherie who was not in love with this picture of herself.)It's a little heavy in these parts these days so let’s just have a little levity, shall we?
Some holiday thoughts and observations:
--- I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is in essence a romantic duet which recounts the tale of a cozy, fireside date rape.
--- I would like to marry or closely befriend an employee of Le Creuset. I bet that the family members of these people probably get whole sets of this cast iron cookware of the Gods for Christmas and I want in. I just know in my heart that I would be a better cook if I only owned a red, porcelain-finished Dutch oven.
--- I gave a go to holiday shopping the other day---I was getting new tires put on Dan’s car (Who’s a good wife? I am.) and had no choice but to mill about a shopping plaza while I waited. While it turned out to be a win for the economy (and a lose for our bank account), I grew so weary that at one point I parked myself on one of the leather couches in the Best Buy entertainment section and donned a pair of 3D glasses just to get a break. December 3rd prediction---not a chance in North Pole hell that I will make it through holiday bustle with any measure of efficiency or grace.
--- On the aforementioned shopping trip I overheard an older (though not elderly) woman telling her similarly aged friend that she wanted to go to “that store, you know that store over there…you know that store to get that movie.” (The store was Best Buy.)
To which her friend answered, “You mean Jordan Marsh?”
Huh.
“Yeah,” the first woman said. “I wanna get that move, you know that movie…that movie that was on HBO but first it was a movie.”
Quickly surmising that it was not likely that the two were going to come up with the name of the movie if they were of the mindset that they would be doing their Christmas shopping at Jordan Marsh (probably after hitting up the Woolworth's counter) I told them I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation and offered my help.
“Okay,” the first woman said, readying, I thought, to give me a short description of the film. And with all the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old during a guessing game she said, “It’s a movie I would like,” and then referring to her friend, “but she wouldn’t.”
Huh.
The first woman continued, “The people are in another world...you know they showed it on HBO...and they can’t breathe.”
And the second woman, who was clearly more of a cinephile than I gave her credit for, said, “That sounds like Avatar.”
“Yeah,” said the first. “And they speak another language.”
“That sounds likes Avatar,” the second woman said again. “Are the people blue?”
“YES! They’re blue! And it was on TV…”
“It’s Avatar,” the second woman said again.
“YES!” the first woman exclaimed. And then she added, “Now if only we could come up with the name of it.”
I was mostly silent for the whole exchange. I have never seen Avatar and I also felt like someone was playing a trick on me.
--- We got our first Christmas card the other day and it was from a friend of Dan’s prompting him to exclaim, “I’m in the lead!” This has become our yearly contest---who gets more Christmas cards. (We have mostly separate friend-sets so it’s easy to keep score.) I often lose. In the past, I’ve attributed this to my being waaaaay younger than him. “My friends are too busy with raves and hallucinogens!” I’d say. But this doesn’t hold much weight now that I’ve hit 30, so I’m using my online resources to wage war. I guess what I’m saying is, send me a holiday card! (For mailing info please contact my publicist, Becky Breslin...or me via Facebook or e-mail.) If the numbers aren’t too dismal, I’ll give you an update on the score as the season progresses. Currently it is Dan: 1 Lola: 0. Help the needy, would you?
And with that I bid you adieu. I hope to return to you soon but I have been experiencing more ups and downs these days than a bipolar elevator, so one never knows.
Happy Holidays, my friends. And if any of you work customer service at Le Creuset…let’s do lunch.
12 comments:
Here's the questioning.....do holiday e-cards count? If that's the case your young friends can bang those out in a hot second.
Holy shit! Jordan Marsh! We used to jokingly call my dad that while at the Boca mall (while donning Brittish accents) in order to pretend he was the chauffeur. We'd shout it across the tiled, echoing hall ways as he sat patiently waiting for us. TFF. I am sending you a card beotch! Thanks for the good, hard belly laugh. You are somethin' special fo sho!! That picture....I have no words! You have a new entry for 'Awkward Family Photos'. XOXO
Is it just me, or does Santa look like he's checking out the hot red-head between his legs versus smiling for the camera???!
Getting your address and sending multiple cards your way! love a good contest!
xo Manchestaaahh... (I still don't know how to spell my nickname!) ; )
Freaking love the picture and love the Jordan Marsh flashback!!
Card will be out once I perfect the kids and dogs staying still for more than a half second!!
Love yah!!
I want to know if all of the Mellow sisters were born with that magnet in their ass or just you & Bec? You know the one I am referring to...the one that seems to attract the weirdest people on the planet to cross in your path.
I'm really not sure how I feel about this photo. You're looking a little possessed, my friend. (Best friend & don;t you forget it.) And Santa is definitely checking you out. Or praying. Definitely praying I think.
I plan to drwon your ass in cards. Nothing I love better than a little friendly competition. BRING IT, Dan Boy!
Just Janet
x
Can you freakin' believe I actually got my post to post w/out being Anonymous?!
And do we approve of the new name? :)
JJ
This pic kills me!
Warrick Mall or The Midlands?... And did you go to Casa Lupita afta?
I am pretty sure I know those two shopping ladies, what with being 'older' but not old myself. That said, thank you (and God) that I was not sipping my tea as I reached that part of your post so that I could actually laugh out loud without ruining my new laptop.
Merry Christmas! Sending a request to the Le Creuset angels to set you up. :)
Mattie---No e-cards. My dear boy, no. Get back to the clubs. I'll give you a pass for 10 more years since you're a gay man. Then I expect some gorgeous design featuring you, a hot Greek man named Nikos and a little baby girl named Rosie...all three of you in matching Oprah sweatshirts.
Sassy---That story of your dad cracked my ass up! I read it aloud to Dan in the car and he laughed too (and he is not always an out-loud laugher). Thanks for supporting the cause! I look forward to seeing those Snell cuties!
Manchestaaahhh!---(I think we have to let the proper spelling come to us over time...) I cannot tell you how many inappropriate jokes and gestures came to mind in this moment. What I really wanted to do...what I really, really wanted to do... was take this picture with my facing his crotch. But it felt somehow wrong. (P.S. Santa's balls smell like peppermint marshmallows...too far?)
Jen---Maybe we can go shopping at Cherry & Webb this year? Can't wait to see the girls and the pugs!
Janet---My mom had that magnet more than anyone I've ever known. At the hospital one day I watched her talking some random guy through picking out a baby gift for a daughter with whom he had never had a good relationship. She got the entire store and pointed him towards the baby blankets. That one was relatively benign. She was a home for any stray. So, yes, all Mellows have that magnet...and I particularly enjoy the image of it being up our asses. And the poker game is on. Just Janet...I like it! (But you are not "just" anyone...)
Katjak---This picture during THIS YEAR will make us laugh for the rest of our lives.
Megan---Swansea Mall! Spencer's Gifts and Dots fo sho!
Amy--- I almost kept the Jordan Marsh story out of the entry in the way of---is this just a funny tell-out-loud story versus a written one? Glad it made you laugh, though I always aim to make you spit your tea. :) Merry Christmas, my friend.
I bought two Le Creuset pots on my recent trip to Pittsburgh which brings my total to four. In the summer, as you remember, I got my second Le Creuset pot (orange) in your beautiful tax-free state. I schlepped the 350 pound thing all the way to Star island then all the way home to Toronto, on the plane. The last two pots were from an outlet Mall which encourages multiple purchases by increasing discounts the more money you spend. We got 35% off. 35%! They are so beautiful. My girlfriend did point out as we packed the yellow and turquoise weights away in the trunk that I had yet to ever use either of the ones already at home. That's hardly the point right? I mean they are sooo pretty!
V---I am so jealous! So jealous. Turquoise? You're the coolest. And I know you're going to use them soon. You're just waiting for the right recipe...
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